Love, Undefined

Years ago, I was at Tosin Idowu’s home when his older brother shared a letter Tosin had written during his time as a Nigerian scholar in Ukraine. One part of the letter caught my attention—it included the words “I love you,” addressed to his mother. That simple expression stayed with me, and I decided to do the same.

Back at school, I wrote a letter to my mother, and yes, I included those very words: “I love you.” When I returned home and read the letter myself, I felt a mix of awkwardness and embarrassment. You see, in many African cultures, such open displays of affection toward family members can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.

Looking back, I realize how much we are shaped by those around us. Their actions and choices subtly influence ours in ways we don’t always recognize. For example, I once saw Tosin eating eba with beans—a rather unconventional combination. That simple observation might have inspired me to try my odd pairing, though mine involved fufu.

The influence we wield over others, often unconsciously, can be profound. Imagine the possibilities if our relationships were consistently guided by love. Love is an extraordinary force that has the potential to transform attitudes and behaviors. When rooted in genuine care, it can be a catalyst for meaningful change.

Unfortunately, love is frequently misunderstood. Its misuse can manifest in ways that are oppressive or even abusive. The phrase “I love you” is often tossed around casually, devoid of intention or depth. Yet true love—selfless and sincere—is an exceptional and rare beauty. It can demand sacrifice, endure pain, and even confront death. To truly love, one must allow a higher power—God—to refine their heart.

If I were to visit Tosin again, what new lessons might I learn from him? Would I leave speaking new languages like Ukrainian or German? Or perhaps, I might find myself whispering sweet nothings to a pet. The possibilities are endless, shaped by the connections we form and the love we choose to share.

The story reminds us that love is not merely a word or a feeling; it is a force capable of reshaping lives. Its authenticity lies in its ability to inspire, uplift, and endure—even in the smallest of gestures.

Uwem Sampson